clys123 发表于 2022-11-27 00:20   全显示 1楼
行文非常流畅，看得出来作者很想描绘出兄妹两人相互暗恋，妹妹逐步勾引哥哥的场景，但是第二章就切换视角稍微有些操之过急了，文章可以通篇以哥哥的视角推进剧情，再从蛛丝马迹中发现妹妹喜欢自己的真相，这样描写不会显得突兀，也更能引人入胜，开篇直接坦白虽然能避免误会，不至于赶走纯爱读者，但是让人看下去的欲望就淡很多了，至于肉戏其实没那么重要，文章一开始奠定的基调就不是手枪文，如何处理好兄妹二人那种若即若离的关系才是关键。很有潜力的作者，加油！
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  • soyoui 金币 +10 认真回复，奖励！ 2022-11-27 08:36
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